Motherhood and Kentucky Part 1

I have this ache that lives deep inside me. Occasionally it will rise to my throat and sting my eyes. Sometimes it pulses with great intensity, but usually it’s a dull throbbing. I’ve become so used to it that sometimes I forget about it. But then I’ll be in a grocery store, or at the library, or at a park and I will hear a new born cry, and, Bam! There it is again. Sometimes a certain smell triggers it. Most of the time the ache comes when I’m talking to an expectant mother, with her swollen belly, and her “any time now.” I envy her, and the ache flares again. The other day I went to a yearly OBGYN check-up. It had been longer than a year since my last one and I was over-due. I was planning on asking my doctor about some permanent birth control. Although the ache was still there, it had taken me a very long time to come to this decision. Before my doctor arrived I started looking at the birth control pamphlets hung on the wall in the plastic container. I picked up one that had written at the top “When your family is complete choose essure.” It had a picture of an older couple on the front and I thought to myself as I looked at the lady, “I don’t look that old, do I?” When my doctor arrived she saw the pamphlet in my hand and upon my inquiry started telling me about it. She explained that essure was a procedure where small coiled springs were placed in the opening of each fallopian tube and that over three months the body would build a natural scar tissue barrier around the coil, completely blocking off the chance of a sperm or egg reaching each other, thus preventing conception. She then went on to explain how this procedure compared to having your tubes tied, and said that though tying your tubes was just as effective as essure, it was a much more invasive form of birth control. I felt an inner conflict as I listened to her. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that by choosing one of these two forms of birth control I was ensuring that I would never again feel the joy or happiness I have felt from being pregnant or from nursing. I couldn’t accept the finality of it. The ache started to throb. I went home with these conflicting thoughts and emotions stewing and stirring inside my brain. With the ache more pronounced, I wondered if God was telling me I was supposed to have another baby. But then Catherine needed to be driven to flute, Matthew needed help with his math, Michael needed help with a reading work sheet, and Eliza needed to get ready for ballet, and the confusing ache started to lessen. However, the frustration from my doctor appointment didn’t go away, and when Brock and I got into bed that night I spewed forth my frustrations to him. With very careful wording and tender reminders Brock helped me with my frustrations, and the ache lessoned more ad we reminisced about the year we lived in Corbin, Kentucky.

2013 in review

The best and most fun event of 2013 was we built, bought, and moved into our very first house, bringing the number of times we have moved to 12! After almost fourteen years of marriage, we finally have entered the land of gentry. It's very exciting! I am not a big decorator, but it has been so fun to pick out furniture and the little decorations we have. We are discovering that now that we own a house, we don't have any money. Needless to say the decorating part of owning our first home is a work in progress. The next big event of 2013 was I went back to school after being out of school for 15 years. It has been so much fun! I absolutely love it. I'm totally Hermione this time around. A 36 year old Hermione. I got an A+ in all my classes last semester, (which wasn't hard to do since I was only taking one class) but all the same, I have a 4.0 at NMSU. I start spring semester in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited. School rocks, and even though it would have been nice to finish the first time around, I am so grateful for being able to go at my age. I think I appreciate it so much more. Since my blog is mostly about books and movies, I thought I'd make a top five of books and movies for 2013. My top 5 books are in not particular order, but they are the ones that stood out the most to me over the last year, and ones that made me think and feel real emotions. "My Story" by Elizabeth Smart, "The Fifth Wave" by Rick Yancey, "Blackmoore" by Julianne Donaldson, and "Hamlet" and "King Lear" by Shakespeare. I read 82 books in 2013, 2 for school, and the rest for recreation. I have a bit of a reading problem, but it's such a rewarding habit I'm going to stick with it. As for my movies, I will rate them by importance. I think my very favorite of 2013 was "The Impossible" about the real life family that survived the 2004 tsunami in Asia. My second favorite of 2013 was "Man of Steel." I just loved the message that we are all here to make the world a better place if we are only willing to stand up for what is right. "Monster's University" is probably tied for second. I love Pixar and was totally in love with the story from the beginning. Brat Pitt's "World War Z" was awesome. I loved it even though I'm not a huge zombie fan. I think "Warm Bodies" also was a great zombie show. "Captain Phillips" with Tom Hanks was another great Hanks movie. I haven't seen "Saving Mr. Banks," but I'm sure it will be a favorite of 2014. As or life lessons I learned in 2013, I feel that I am at a stage in my life of major transition. I feel that I am done having babies, and that decision has been really hard for me to make. Having a daughter or son of God grow within your body and come to this earth to experience mortality is one of the most miraculous blessings that has ever been a part of me. Deciding to be done with the creative process of having a baby is a really tough choice. But I am discovering that I am in a different stage of parenting, and the blessings of nurturing my children in the gospel and seeing their own testimonies become their own, is just as miraculous and important. That is probably the greatest lesson I have learned in 2013. God is good. He has blessed me with so much, and I am so excited to have another year to explore and enjoy His wonderful earth as a wife, mother, daughter, book reader aficiando, student, and woman.

Your Mom goes to College Part 2, and Redbox Night

I thought I'd update my school status. My last post about school I mentioned that the class I am taking has a lot of reading with profanity in it and that sometimes we are required to read out loud in class. Well, I am happy to say that I spoke with the professor about the out loud readings and I would be changing the words if they were swear words. I was really light hearted about it, and the professor was also and now even makes a great effort to not swear in class. So, with help from above (I'm sure of it), my return to school experience is going well and is a lot of fun. As for movies, I have to say that I have been very disappointed with all these new releases at my local theater. There isn't one good movie that I want to see for a date night. Well, I guess we could watch Planes or Percy Jackson for date night, but I think we will save those for Redbox. And I am sad to report that Austenland has not been released in my neck of the woods. I wish I had a couple extra hundred dollars hanging around so that I could fly to Utah and watch it with my girls, but that's not going to happen. Needless to say, we have been checking out Redbox a lot recently. Last night we watched "Parental Guidance" with Billy Crystal, and it was hilarious and a totally fun movie. It's rated PG and is one that I would watch with all my kids. It's a really fun movie about the differences in parenting. It made fun of all the funny phrases we use today like, "Use your words," versus yelling or telling your child "No." Although there was tons of humor, the show was really touching as it focused on parents and children coming together and learning to appreciate their differences and overlook weaknesses. I loved it, and highly recommend it if you want a laugh out loud feel good movie to watch.

"Your mom goes to college" - Napolean Dynamite

My kids now have the opportunity to quote Napolean Dynamite on a daily basis as their mom now goes to college. Yep! I am going back to school after being out of the classroom setting for the past 12 years. Today was my first day of school and I was so excited I tried to take a picture of myself with my backpack on in front of a tree of our house. I was going to post it to facebook, hoping I had a big cheesy grin to join the loads of first-day-of-school posts. But for some reason I didn't think it would be as cute as the kiddo photos. Anyway, I enjoyed my first class, and being the Hermione Granger student that being our of college for 12 years has made me want to be, I was fully prepared with books and all, having already read most of the material. As excited for school as I am, I am not as excited about some of the material we are reading. We are focusing on the form and technique of main stream fiction short stories. This means we are reading short stories about everyday life, but at times, at it's ugliest. Almost all of the reading has very harsh swearing, and the main ideas or points of the stories, are down right depressing. As you know, I lead a fairly fantasy life approach to reading, so this type of material is new for me. Okay, I have read books with profanity in them before, but I try to avoid them, and I certainly don't enjoy them. Anyway, I thought reading the stories was going to be my only problem, but as class started today, the professor informed us that we would be reading aloud many of the stories in class. I immediately saw my dilemma. I have no problem changing swear words in my head when I am reading them silently, but changing them to something else when reading aloud is going to be an adventure. Today we took turns reading paragraphs from the short story. As chance would have it, I was the only reader who had a nice fat "f" bomb in the opening line. Well, of course I didn't say it, but changed it. I saw a couple of heads turn in my direction when I didn't swear, but my changing the word did not change the meaning or main point of the story, once again reiterating to me the knowledge that profanity is NOT necessary in making a story more real, or alive, or genuine. But in fact detracts from the message and purpose of the story. I'm sure I will have many other opportunities to stand for truth and justice in my class in regards to the useless need for swearing in literature. Regardless, I am really happy to be back in school. I hope all of you are well and that none of your kids are having similar experiences with profanity in their classroom environments. And if any of your kids want to use the line "Your mom goes to college!" make sure they make Kips face when saying it. (If you don't know what I'm talking about about, go watch Napolean Dynamite.)

Upside Down and The Butler

Just wanted to share a fun movie I rented the other night. It's called Upside Down staring Kirsten Dunst and Jim Sturgess. It's a very fun and clever sci-fi romantic adventure. It's clean and fun, especially if your a fan of sci-fi. It is a little weird at times, but in a good way. Anyway, just wanted to share. In other news, we saw the Butler a couple of weekends ago. And even though the main story line was very interesting and fascinating to watch, it was crude and raunchy, with ton's of swearing. In my opinion, having the crud in it, not only was demeaning to the main message of the story, but was totally counterproductive. It was a major bummer. Looking forward to September and Austenland! I know I'll love that one!

Faerie War Cover - drum roll please . . . .

If you want to read a fun and fantastic fantasy fairy tale, read Rachel Morgan's Faerie Gaurdian series.  The third book in the series is called the Faerie War.  And here is the cover  . . . .

The fate of the faerie world is in her hands...

Title: The Faerie War

Series: Creepy Hollow, Book Three

Author: Rachel Morgan

Cover Designer: Morgan Media

Publication Date: Oct 2013

Add on Goodreads

Find the Creepy Hollow series on Amazon

Here's What I Think: Brock's Weekly

Here's What I Think: Brock's Weekly: Some of you may know that my hubby writes a weeky email that captures our daily life adventures in a most amusing way.  I came across this o...